I’ve been thinking of what I would like to do to keep myself feeling creative and involved with art. Although my degree is in ceramics, I don’t think I want to pursue that art right now. I enjoy working on ceramics in a studio/school setting. Not so much at home. However, the space of the garage is something that I’ve never had to work with before! What an opportunity! Right now the garage is full of stuff. Pretty much allllll Grandma Flossie’s old stuff. We’re going to have a garage sale. We ran out of time last summer/fall. What also strikes my imagination are a couple of things: Paul Allen’s painting of vessels that hangs in our guest bedroom AND my job at Sutherlands. Paul’s painting was created on a sheet of plywood. I work around plywood all day!

My idea is to get some sheets of plywood, maybe 2×4, 3×4, 2×3… no bigger than 4 foot on a side, I guess! Prime it, paint it black with acrylic and then do chalk pastels on top. It would kind of have a blackboard/velvet painting kind of feel to it, I guess. I would like to continue in the fish motif that I had at KCAI. I was also looking through Ryan’s book, “FishFace”, photos of marine fish taken by divers… The depth and mystery of the black background is pretty compelling, visually and emotionally.

Then I could use some 2x2s to make a frame or bumper for the drawing. Paul’s painting uses the 2x2s as a bumper, but I like the idea of framing the piece. Makes it feel a little more domesticated.

Well. Once I have some money to spare, I think that’s something I’d like to get started on. You know, along with the wedding planning and working 30 hours a week at Sutherlands and teaching and writing lectures and grading papers… It’s really not THAT much, right? I can do it! If I want to!

Right now, with no money to spend and mere hours before my second class and first lecture, I suppose I should get moving! I need get to SFCC to talk with Paul and Donnie about some stuff. School-related and non!

I also updated the page for Illustration! That was long overdue! And I wrote a freakin’ novel under the “About Me” tab, so whenever you have a few hours to spare, go check that out.

Love, Sara

I feel so grown up now. Being grown up is not an exhilarating experience. It causes a sort of calmness. And it’s not because of knowledge or experience. I really think it literally comes with age. Time. I don’t think I know anything now that I didn’t know when I was younger, but something is definitely different. It must be attitude. It must be maturity. It’s nice!

Both of my jobs have influenced my attitudes about maturity.

At least half of the people I work with at Sutherlands are younger than me, and many of those younger than me are more “experienced” at life. They’ve been married, had children, owned homes, lost parents, etc. Some coworkers are… painfully young! With attitudes and ideals that I know I can’t influence or adjust. It comes only with time. I feel motherly, but I don’t think it’s always obvious and it’s never unpleasant.

I very much enjoy my new career as an adjunct professor at SFCC. Just being in that environment gets me excited about learning, ideas about art, talking to someone new about something and hearing their thoughts and opinions. It is invigorating! I hope that never goes away.

Teaching at SFCC is such a privilege for me. I am so fortunate to be back in that place that I loved so much. I love it again! Paul has talked to me about perhaps getting my Master’s so that I can be eligible for a full-time position when he retires in 9 years or so. I really like that idea! Alan Weaver, though, has talked to me about how phony it feels to influence college-age students into a career centered around art, and I know where he’s coming from! I am so fortunate to be employed in my field of study, fine art, but for most, and but for a fortuitous turn of events for me!, that is the exception and DEFINITELY not the rule! Alan has mentioned to me that teaching at a lower grade-level, where it’s still about the fun and the pleasure of creating art, might be more satisfying and sincere to teach art techniques to a younger age-group. I’m not sure how I feel about teaching young children, since I don’t have much experience with kids, but I think a career in education is not unreasonable for me. I always loved school and who doesn’t enjoy sharing something they love with others? It could be just the right thing.

So that means instead of going back to school and advancing my Bachelor’s degree to a Master’s, I would go back to school for a different degree. Getting a teaching degree is more attractive than a Master’s because, even though it will still take the same amount of time, it will be less expensive and I can attend a college that is closer to our new home here in Sedalia. I could get a teaching degree at UCM in Warrensburg, instead of traveling to Columbia or Kansas City for a Master’s in Fine Art. A teaching degree would also probably prove to be more useful in more situations than a Master’s in Ceramics with no degree in a skill like education.

If I get a Master’s in Fine Arts and get a permanent position in the SFCC Art Department, then I will feel obligated to stay in Sedalia. Is that what we want? I guess I don’t see why not. I want Ryan to have satisfaction in his job, too… Not sure working at Tallman, Co. is giving that to him. We’re a team!

There is a lot to think about… and I have vowed not to make a decision about this until AFTER we are married. So I better just put this on on the back burner! I’m still thinking about it, but I’m not focusing on it! Bam!

Dad is still in good spirits. He works 5 days a week just like he used to, putters around in the shop with his gun collection and enjoys the laptop that I got him last September for his 63rd birthday. :-) He is not only keeping weight on, but gaining! Which is great, because he lost a lot of weight while he was really sick this summer. And he is a small man to begin with, so some extra lbs will not harm him. The permanent metal stent that they had to put in to replace the plastic stent will be there forever, which is kind of a bummer because it sometimes causes him pain. Pain from the stent is really the only thing he has ever complained about through this sickness. He didn’t lose any weight during chemo, nor did his hair fall out, nor did he suffer from nausea. He did have wounds that were slow to heal and sores in his mouth that were irritated by his dentures. He has been very fortunate and we are very hopeful for the future.

I can’t wait to have him walk me down whatever aisle we can come up with for mine and Ryan’s September 15th wedding in Bridal Cave! <3

I’m going to try, though. ‘Cause I like getting my thoughts out there. I have plenty to write about.

Let’s get started!

Ryan proposed to me Thursday night (July 28, 2011) while we were walking the dogs on the Katy Trail. <3

He stopped us at a bench because he said he had rocks in his shoes. So I sat down with the dogs and he got down to take his shoes off. I was looking at how cute Fannie was sitting on the bench with me and Ryan says, “Sara?” I look over at my BEAUTIFUL NEW ENGAGEMENT RING. “Will you marry me?”

Some rocks, INDEED. (He did actually have rocks in his shoes, truth be told.)

So. Now I got some stuff to do! I need a wedding gown and a reception venue. Of course, we’re getting married inside Bridal Cave… We’re kind of leaning towards doing it sooner than later. Just ’cause why not!? and because Dad is sick… Not that I want my wedding to be super morbid or anything. So… I don’t even know where to begin?!

I’m so happy! I feel so lovely and so loved! What a lucky lady I am. <3

I go there faithfully. I try hard and concentrate and learn. I have pride in what I do and I put an effort into it. I enjoy it, too! to be completely honest! I look forward to knowing all the tricks and secrets and making a “career” out of it.

I go home and chillax and I don’t worry about what’s happening there. It’s kinda nice…

I’ve been saying that for years! And I’ve heard of people getting cancer and having cancer and beating it and dying from it. Celebrities get cancer. World leaders get cancer. Poor old women in third world countries get cancer. Even animals get cancer! There are lots of different types of cancer with lots of different causes. Different methods to cure them. Different survival rates.

I always knew that people died from cancer. I know it’s very serious. I know that cancer is cells in the body that go haywire for some reason and over-replicate themselves… But, now that my dad has been told he has Bile Duct Cancer that is not resectable and doesn’t typically respond well to chemotherapy, I have LOTS more questions. The number one question being: How? HOW does cancer kill someone? Okay, this tumor is blocking the bile duct. Put in a stent. Put in a permanent stent. Problem solved? So what if the tumor grows? As long as the bile can drain into the small intestine appropriately to help him digest his food. Is he in pain? (Or, rather, would he be if he wasn’t taking his pain pills?) Why? Is it because the bile is backing up? I don’t think so, because he is no longer jaundiced. Is it because of the actual mass of the tumor that’s pushing on other body organs? The tumor is around the size of a golf ball. Maybe bigger maybe smaller. But because it’s so close to major veins of the liver and stomach, they can’t cut it out. Is being so near those veins/arteries causing the tumor to grow more quickly? Dad’s CA 19-9 levels in the blood are extremely high. Is that just because of the tumor we know about? Could there be others? Is there cancer in the blood? In the brain? In the bones or heart? Does it even matter? If it’s this tumor that kills him, how is it going to happen? Is it going to be painful? Will he die from organ failure? Will he die more slowly because of his body’s inability to digest food and absorb nutrition? Will he lose weight and wither away? My dad is a small man. He doesn’t have stores in his body to run on. How long will he be comfortable and able to live his life as he pleases? Does he have 6 months? a year? 5 years? Will he walk me down the aisle when Ryan and I get married? Will he meet his grandchildren? Many men don’t. His father didn’t.

I guess I can’t say it’s unfair. He had cancer 24 years ago and was completely cured. This cancer is unrelated. People die from cancer all the time. Everybody gets it. There’s no reason my family should be excluded. We’re not special, I guess. Plus, Dad already beat it once before. The odds of doing that ONE time are not favorable. Twice in a lifetime? I guess it’s not unheard of.

I’m hopeful. I want for us to try everything we can to give him the best odds. I’m not done with him yet, and I don’t think he’s done living life. He just retired. He just started drawing on his Social Security benefits. It seems so unfair. Cruel. He gets to stop working and now he’s going to die. People have suffered more than him… I guess you gotta count your blessings. I just don’t want him to be uncomfortable. I’m afraid of seeing him suffer.

Just gotta take it a day at a time.

So far I have applied to:

• The Sedalia Democrat
• JC Penney
• Dollar General
• Inter-state Studios
• Sutherland’s
• Gene’s Boots and Hats (yep XD)
• Big Lots! (the exclamation point is part of the name)
• Sedalia Book & Toy
• Vincent’s Apparel & Footwear
• Staples
• Walgreen’s
• PictureMe! Studios
• SFCC (a clerical job)

And… maybe some others? Tomorrow I will go visit another strip mall and apply at K-Mart, Hallmark, Bing’s Grocery Store… and some others. I haven’t applied to any hotels or restaurants yet. Not really the kind of work I wanna do. I might get desperate, though.

MAN I HOPE SOMEONE CALLS ME BACK SOON.

‘Til then I guess I’ll just keep playing Sally Homemaker. :) Time to go do some laundry!

Stuff with the house is… advancing. My Mom has been working on it a LOT while we haven’t been there. We work 40-50 hours a week so it can be hard to get down there and get things accomplished. She has been really industrious! She knows which things are able to be thrown away and which things have to stay. I am going to head down there Sunday for Mother’s Day and we are going to bleach the whole kitchen, apparently! :D

We’re going for a HELOC instead of a mortgage. It’s been a week since we talked to Rodrigo at USBank. We were hoping to have gotten a big chunk of change by now! ASAP! I guess one week is not really very long. There are a lot of things we want to do to the house…

• Re-do the full bath, maybe add a shower stall to the half bath
• Take out the wall with the “fins”
• Re-do the drywall in the northeast corner of the bedroom
• Sand and refinish the floors in the living room and hallway
• Paint the floor in the kitchen (Woohoo!)
• Carpet the bedrooms
• New washer and maybe dryer, too!

Plus, there are other FUN changes I would like to do; sliding glass doors in the kitchen, front deck, back deck, etc etc. IT’S A LIST. I’m really excited to get into some transformative projects! :D I’m gonna have fun talking to Mom about it on Sunday. :)

Mallow is shedding! From the top down. She shed all the skin on her head first, then her neck, and now down to the “waist”. She is a destroyer of salads. All she wants to do is eat. It’s pretty awesome. :) Great birthday present! Thanks Ryan! :D

Happyface has been having some problems. He didn’t eat this Wednesday. The belly scutes on his “neck” are all kind of… puffy? They don’t really lay down flat. I dunno… I’ll keep an eye on him.

Clem and Cocoa are just fine!

Lady Godiva is coming up with some more ulcers and now Hugh has one right behind his left operculum… I’m not sure about medicating that whole big tank though. I think I really don’t wanna.

Carmelita got some TLC on Tuesday. Her first oil change under my care and a brake fluid bleed and flush… whatever that is. Flush dirty fluid and replace it with good fresh stuff, I suppose. They also told me I needed to change my cabin air filter and said they would do it for $25.50. I decided to do it myself for HALF PRICE. I enjoy taking care of my baby Buick. :) I want it to last me a long long time! There are lots of trips to Sedalia in my future. ;D And, after that, several trips back to KC for visiting. :)

Tim wants to throw Ryan and I a going-away party before we leave. I wish I had more friends to invite. :/ Ryan & I, Tim & Winnie, Kelly & James, Liz & Dean, Gen… Maybe Ruby and Judy… I was thinking Ryan and I could invite our folks. It would be the first time they ever met! Oh boy!

I better get to bed. Another installment of jogging tomorrow morning! Thank goodness I get to sleep in. :D