When they sent me the questionnaire months ago, I filled it out (because I love filling out forms!) and sent it back in. Just last week I got a letter from a Ms. Sadler of the circuit court. It had already fled my mind that jury duty was even an option for me, so I was surprised to see that I had been selected for jury service. The letter asked me to appear at the courthouse on January 26th at 8:30 AM. Sheesh. Thankfully, I wasn’t scheduled to work at Sutherlands that morning, but I was looking forward to the 3rd class of the semester and giving a lecture on a little bit of pre-history before we got into “MODERN ART”. I kept my hopes up that the telephone recording they instructed me to call on Wednesday night would tell me that there was no need for me to report for jury duty. Sadly, it wasn’t so! So I canceled classes, made an alternative assignment, and hoped for the NEXT best possible scenario; that I would not be selected to actually serve on the jury.

During the selection of the jury the lawyers from both defendant and plaintiff asked us questions regarding possible experiences or prejudices which might taint or influence our judgements of the circumstances. I was only able to offer my hand up once, when they asked if there was anyone else on the jury panel that we knew. (My dad’s cousin Steve Cox was also there that morning.) Of course, more than half the people there were able to raise their hands because Sedalia is a small town and everybody knows everybody else. ;-)

So, unfortunately, being unable to offer any objections or prejudices, Juror #22 was selected for duty that day. The opening statements were given around 10:30 and we took a lunch break from 11:30 to 1:00. We returned and listened to witnesses and saw more evidence. Dinner from 5:30 to 6:45. We gave our final verdict?, if that’s the right word, at about 9:00 PM. A 12.5 hour day that I will be paid $18.00 for. They’ll probably take taxes out of it, too. -_-

The case was civil, involving a man who did odd jobs for an older lady. There was an accident where he fell off a ladder while cleaning her gutters and the jury was to decide where the fault lie. There was a LOT of information to consider. The man’s experience, the ladder, the surface on which the ladder was placed, whether or not anyone was holding the ladder (I don’t know how this was a point of contention!? How could you not know? Yes or No.), the odd way the handyman and old woman’s relationship changed after the accident (There seemed to be a very awkward avoidance afterwards…), and of course, the man’s injuries, surgery, and recovery. The man was asking for the woman to cover his medical bills for the surgery to repair a burst fracture in his lumbar vertebrate.

To be honest, I’d kind of scoffed at folks who file a suit against someone when they are injured on their property or doing something for them. But after seeing this and becoming a little more familiar with the law and the definitions surrounding “negligence” and “ordinary care”, I can definitely see why folks get paid off for stuff like that.

Another difficult think about the deliberation and coming to a ruling was that we were only allowed to consider information that was given as evidence in court. We were not supposed to make assumptions or form personal opinions about the old woman or the handyman. Only the facts. AND, only the facts that were presented to us. Although we were close enough to overhear conversations between the judge and the lawyers while they were at the bench, we were not supposed to factor in those remarks to our decision.

Ultimately, we ruled that each party was equally at fault and awarded the handyman a little over half of the money he was asking for. Thinking about it now, I wish I had argued for more money for him, since he had a little family, seemed to be an all-around good guy, and was not asking for ridiculous amounts of money for “pain and suffering” or even lost wages. I think it was very reasonable. I regret not realizing then that the old woman surely had homeowner’s insurance (although that fact was not presented in court) and that would probably easily cover the $56,000 that was owed for his spinal surgery and prevented their family that burden that will last them so many years… Doesn’t seem that unfair to me. But then I think of the old lady juror who thought the fault was entirely with the handyman and wanted to give him nothing. That’s fucked up.

It was an experience. I can’t say I’m looking forward to the next one, but I would certainly do it again.

(Only I hope it’s not that judge again, ’cause I don’t like the way he chomped on the ice from his Sonic drink.)

I’ve been thinking of what I would like to do to keep myself feeling creative and involved with art. Although my degree is in ceramics, I don’t think I want to pursue that art right now. I enjoy working on ceramics in a studio/school setting. Not so much at home. However, the space of the garage is something that I’ve never had to work with before! What an opportunity! Right now the garage is full of stuff. Pretty much allllll Grandma Flossie’s old stuff. We’re going to have a garage sale. We ran out of time last summer/fall. What also strikes my imagination are a couple of things: Paul Allen’s painting of vessels that hangs in our guest bedroom AND my job at Sutherlands. Paul’s painting was created on a sheet of plywood. I work around plywood all day!

My idea is to get some sheets of plywood, maybe 2×4, 3×4, 2×3… no bigger than 4 foot on a side, I guess! Prime it, paint it black with acrylic and then do chalk pastels on top. It would kind of have a blackboard/velvet painting kind of feel to it, I guess. I would like to continue in the fish motif that I had at KCAI. I was also looking through Ryan’s book, “FishFace”, photos of marine fish taken by divers… The depth and mystery of the black background is pretty compelling, visually and emotionally.

Then I could use some 2x2s to make a frame or bumper for the drawing. Paul’s painting uses the 2x2s as a bumper, but I like the idea of framing the piece. Makes it feel a little more domesticated.

Well. Once I have some money to spare, I think that’s something I’d like to get started on. You know, along with the wedding planning and working 30 hours a week at Sutherlands and teaching and writing lectures and grading papers… It’s really not THAT much, right? I can do it! If I want to!

Right now, with no money to spend and mere hours before my second class and first lecture, I suppose I should get moving! I need get to SFCC to talk with Paul and Donnie about some stuff. School-related and non!

I also updated the page for Illustration! That was long overdue! And I wrote a freakin’ novel under the “About Me” tab, so whenever you have a few hours to spare, go check that out.

Love, Sara

I feel so grown up now. Being grown up is not an exhilarating experience. It causes a sort of calmness. And it’s not because of knowledge or experience. I really think it literally comes with age. Time. I don’t think I know anything now that I didn’t know when I was younger, but something is definitely different. It must be attitude. It must be maturity. It’s nice!

Both of my jobs have influenced my attitudes about maturity.

At least half of the people I work with at Sutherlands are younger than me, and many of those younger than me are more “experienced” at life. They’ve been married, had children, owned homes, lost parents, etc. Some coworkers are… painfully young! With attitudes and ideals that I know I can’t influence or adjust. It comes only with time. I feel motherly, but I don’t think it’s always obvious and it’s never unpleasant.

I very much enjoy my new career as an adjunct professor at SFCC. Just being in that environment gets me excited about learning, ideas about art, talking to someone new about something and hearing their thoughts and opinions. It is invigorating! I hope that never goes away.

Teaching at SFCC is such a privilege for me. I am so fortunate to be back in that place that I loved so much. I love it again! Paul has talked to me about perhaps getting my Master’s so that I can be eligible for a full-time position when he retires in 9 years or so. I really like that idea! Alan Weaver, though, has talked to me about how phony it feels to influence college-age students into a career centered around art, and I know where he’s coming from! I am so fortunate to be employed in my field of study, fine art, but for most, and but for a fortuitous turn of events for me!, that is the exception and DEFINITELY not the rule! Alan has mentioned to me that teaching at a lower grade-level, where it’s still about the fun and the pleasure of creating art, might be more satisfying and sincere to teach art techniques to a younger age-group. I’m not sure how I feel about teaching young children, since I don’t have much experience with kids, but I think a career in education is not unreasonable for me. I always loved school and who doesn’t enjoy sharing something they love with others? It could be just the right thing.

So that means instead of going back to school and advancing my Bachelor’s degree to a Master’s, I would go back to school for a different degree. Getting a teaching degree is more attractive than a Master’s because, even though it will still take the same amount of time, it will be less expensive and I can attend a college that is closer to our new home here in Sedalia. I could get a teaching degree at UCM in Warrensburg, instead of traveling to Columbia or Kansas City for a Master’s in Fine Art. A teaching degree would also probably prove to be more useful in more situations than a Master’s in Ceramics with no degree in a skill like education.

If I get a Master’s in Fine Arts and get a permanent position in the SFCC Art Department, then I will feel obligated to stay in Sedalia. Is that what we want? I guess I don’t see why not. I want Ryan to have satisfaction in his job, too… Not sure working at Tallman, Co. is giving that to him. We’re a team!

There is a lot to think about… and I have vowed not to make a decision about this until AFTER we are married. So I better just put this on on the back burner! I’m still thinking about it, but I’m not focusing on it! Bam!

Dad is still in good spirits. He works 5 days a week just like he used to, putters around in the shop with his gun collection and enjoys the laptop that I got him last September for his 63rd birthday. :-) He is not only keeping weight on, but gaining! Which is great, because he lost a lot of weight while he was really sick this summer. And he is a small man to begin with, so some extra lbs will not harm him. The permanent metal stent that they had to put in to replace the plastic stent will be there forever, which is kind of a bummer because it sometimes causes him pain. Pain from the stent is really the only thing he has ever complained about through this sickness. He didn’t lose any weight during chemo, nor did his hair fall out, nor did he suffer from nausea. He did have wounds that were slow to heal and sores in his mouth that were irritated by his dentures. He has been very fortunate and we are very hopeful for the future.

I can’t wait to have him walk me down whatever aisle we can come up with for mine and Ryan’s September 15th wedding in Bridal Cave! <3

I’m going to try, though. ‘Cause I like getting my thoughts out there. I have plenty to write about.

Let’s get started!

Ryan proposed to me Thursday night (July 28, 2011) while we were walking the dogs on the Katy Trail. <3

He stopped us at a bench because he said he had rocks in his shoes. So I sat down with the dogs and he got down to take his shoes off. I was looking at how cute Fannie was sitting on the bench with me and Ryan says, “Sara?” I look over at my BEAUTIFUL NEW ENGAGEMENT RING. “Will you marry me?”

Some rocks, INDEED. (He did actually have rocks in his shoes, truth be told.)

So. Now I got some stuff to do! I need a wedding gown and a reception venue. Of course, we’re getting married inside Bridal Cave… We’re kind of leaning towards doing it sooner than later. Just ’cause why not!? and because Dad is sick… Not that I want my wedding to be super morbid or anything. So… I don’t even know where to begin?!

I’m so happy! I feel so lovely and so loved! What a lucky lady I am. <3

I go there faithfully. I try hard and concentrate and learn. I have pride in what I do and I put an effort into it. I enjoy it, too! to be completely honest! I look forward to knowing all the tricks and secrets and making a “career” out of it.

I go home and chillax and I don’t worry about what’s happening there. It’s kinda nice…

I’ve been saying that for years! And I’ve heard of people getting cancer and having cancer and beating it and dying from it. Celebrities get cancer. World leaders get cancer. Poor old women in third world countries get cancer. Even animals get cancer! There are lots of different types of cancer with lots of different causes. Different methods to cure them. Different survival rates.

I always knew that people died from cancer. I know it’s very serious. I know that cancer is cells in the body that go haywire for some reason and over-replicate themselves… But, now that my dad has been told he has Bile Duct Cancer that is not resectable and doesn’t typically respond well to chemotherapy, I have LOTS more questions. The number one question being: How? HOW does cancer kill someone? Okay, this tumor is blocking the bile duct. Put in a stent. Put in a permanent stent. Problem solved? So what if the tumor grows? As long as the bile can drain into the small intestine appropriately to help him digest his food. Is he in pain? (Or, rather, would he be if he wasn’t taking his pain pills?) Why? Is it because the bile is backing up? I don’t think so, because he is no longer jaundiced. Is it because of the actual mass of the tumor that’s pushing on other body organs? The tumor is around the size of a golf ball. Maybe bigger maybe smaller. But because it’s so close to major veins of the liver and stomach, they can’t cut it out. Is being so near those veins/arteries causing the tumor to grow more quickly? Dad’s CA 19-9 levels in the blood are extremely high. Is that just because of the tumor we know about? Could there be others? Is there cancer in the blood? In the brain? In the bones or heart? Does it even matter? If it’s this tumor that kills him, how is it going to happen? Is it going to be painful? Will he die from organ failure? Will he die more slowly because of his body’s inability to digest food and absorb nutrition? Will he lose weight and wither away? My dad is a small man. He doesn’t have stores in his body to run on. How long will he be comfortable and able to live his life as he pleases? Does he have 6 months? a year? 5 years? Will he walk me down the aisle when Ryan and I get married? Will he meet his grandchildren? Many men don’t. His father didn’t.

I guess I can’t say it’s unfair. He had cancer 24 years ago and was completely cured. This cancer is unrelated. People die from cancer all the time. Everybody gets it. There’s no reason my family should be excluded. We’re not special, I guess. Plus, Dad already beat it once before. The odds of doing that ONE time are not favorable. Twice in a lifetime? I guess it’s not unheard of.

I’m hopeful. I want for us to try everything we can to give him the best odds. I’m not done with him yet, and I don’t think he’s done living life. He just retired. He just started drawing on his Social Security benefits. It seems so unfair. Cruel. He gets to stop working and now he’s going to die. People have suffered more than him… I guess you gotta count your blessings. I just don’t want him to be uncomfortable. I’m afraid of seeing him suffer.

Just gotta take it a day at a time.

So far I have applied to:

• The Sedalia Democrat
• JC Penney
• Dollar General
• Inter-state Studios
• Sutherland’s
• Gene’s Boots and Hats (yep XD)
• Big Lots! (the exclamation point is part of the name)
• Sedalia Book & Toy
• Vincent’s Apparel & Footwear
• Staples
• Walgreen’s
• PictureMe! Studios
• SFCC (a clerical job)

And… maybe some others? Tomorrow I will go visit another strip mall and apply at K-Mart, Hallmark, Bing’s Grocery Store… and some others. I haven’t applied to any hotels or restaurants yet. Not really the kind of work I wanna do. I might get desperate, though.

MAN I HOPE SOMEONE CALLS ME BACK SOON.

‘Til then I guess I’ll just keep playing Sally Homemaker. :) Time to go do some laundry!